Jennifer's Blog

I think that I speak for a lot of people that 2020 was an incredibly challenging year, more so for those of us with disabilities. As a deaf person being taken to the ER twelve times in a single year, I learned very quickly that hospitals are not very accommodating to patients like me since I rely on lip-reading, observing facial expressions and body language. Due to COVID, that changed the way I could understand the paramedics and medical staff since masks covered their faces and muffled their speech (some wore heavy duty masks that made them sound and look like the Mandalorian). This may sound amusing but I can assure you that it was not that way at all. The majority of the medical staff refused to lower or remove their mask or use a clear face shield, many times they refused to write down their questions even when there was a pen and pad on the table right in front of them. 

As a result, that put me in jeopardy many times and on one of my last visits to the ER, I ended up choking on my vomit and couldn’t flag anyone down. That was a truly humiliating experience which left me traumatized and terrified to go back. I struggled, really struggled to make the ER more accessible for disabled patients since it was getting so dangerous for me. I came to a realization that this was a very clear and important lesson for me. 

It was a valuable opportunity for me to advocate for a more inclusive and safer environment for patients with disabilities. It took many months of going through incredibly difficult experiences at the hospital that we discovered what worked. One of the staff had an epiphany while I was there in the ER and brought over an iPad on a mobile stand right away. It was a light bulb moment when we realized that there was already a program on it that converts speech to text, the nurses and doctors were able to simply speak near the iPad and it automatically displayed what they wee saying. We were ecstatic that I could finally understand what they were saying. It reduced my anxiety considerably and provided more detailed information so I knew what medication or procedures they were providing. This was such a successful innovation, that another hospital is preparing to use it for my upcoming spinal surgery. Ironically, they also discovered that it could be used for patients to FaceTime with their families especially during the lockdown which is truly remarkable! It turned an accessible device into a universal opportunity so that other patients can utilize it which is phenomenal. 

This was a clear indication that it was meant to happen and raise more awareness about patients who are struggling like me, especially during a pandemic. I am firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and I recently noticed a distinctive pattern that was missed by so many ER doctors. It prompted me to do more research as to what was really going on with my body.  There was a direct correlation with the spinal pain and stress that my body was going through which was triggering intense bouts of excruciating facial pain, massive headaches and severe nausea. There appears to be a connection to my body transitioning to menopause, pre-existing sports injuries as well as old injuries/damage from a really bad car accident a long time ago. Plus when you add on spinal pain, it set off a perfect storm for Myosfascial Pain. 

Upon discovering this, it suddenly became a pivotal moment for me to come up with a more detailed plan to get stronger prior to my surgery. I asked my physiotherapist for an assessment so that we could reduce the severity of the pain and release the painful knots. He was able to create the severe facial pain that often landed me in the ER simply by pressing on the trigger points. I was astounded as to how quickly he figured out what was going on that so many other doctors failed to notice or even investigate. I can’t tell how relieved I was when we finally figured out the true cause of the pain and agony I was going through for so long. 

I was watching a Netflix documentary on New Year’s Day which featured Ariana Grande (Excuse me, I love you) and I immediately resonated with her songs. There was one song in particular that struck a chord with me and that was “Thank You, Next”. I couldn’t believe how accurate those lyrics were, especially for me. It was about accepting our mistakes, learning to embrace the past, and move forward with a sense of strength. She sings about her past experiences and says “Thank You” for teaching her patience, love, gratitude, and personal growth that helped her become an amazing person today. I could not have picked a more meaningful song for 2021. That was such an eye-opening experience for me after such a traumatic night in the ER on New Year’s Eve. 

It became crystal clear that I was meant to discover that so I could look forward to the upcoming year with a renewed sense of hope. I also came across the perfect picture to represent my goals which held multiple meanings for me. I chose an image of smooth white stones that were carefully stacked upright in a row with a sunny, golden background. As soon as I saw it, I knew that was the right one. The stones reminded of the spine which was a perfect reflection of my spinal surgery that will be happening in a few, short weeks. The golden background exuded a warm, happy feeling like when the sky is so peaceful at sunset. And the yellow was also one of the Pantone colours for this year. Sensei James at Kazuko Martial Arts held a special celebration for our students called “Kagami Biraki” and encouraged us to come up with a word that reflected our goals or intent for the New Year. I chose two words, “Nidan” as my personal growth in Martial Arts, and “Serenity” since I needed a much deserved break from such a frustrating and painful year, and look forward to a more calm, and serene time. That golden image exudes serenity which is perfect to me. 

Overall, this was an incredibly difficult and tumultuous year for me in so many aspects. It was a period of growth that was necessary in order for me to move forward with grace, understanding and awareness of my physical health. It was up to me to discover the signs that were there for me to interpret and utilize, not only for myself, but also for many others who need it too. 

I’ve always been an advocate and very outspoken about my disabilities that my mother instilled in me at a very young age. To find out that other patients are benefitting from my experiences is absolutely amazing and my mother would have been thrilled to witness this, especially since she was such a positive influence on me. 

Despite enduring such a painful and difficult year, it made me more thankful since it’s making me stronger and much more determined to achieve my new goals for the new year.

Youtube video “Thank You, Next”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUme0h-uPP4

Thank U, Next by Ariana Grande

Thought I'd end up with Sean

But he wasn't a match

Wrote some songs about Ricky

Now I listen and laugh

Even almost got married

And for Pete, I'm so thankful

Wish I could say "thank you" to Malcolm

'Cause he was an angel

One taught me love

One taught me patience

And one taught me pain

Now, I'm so amazing

Say I've loved and I've lost

But that's not what I see

So, look what I got

Look at what you taught me

And for that, I say

Thank you, next (next)

Thank you, next (next)

Thank you, next

I'm so grateful for my ex

Thank you, next (next)

Thank you, next (next)

Thank you, next (next)

I'm so

Spend more time with my friends

I ain't worried 'bout nothin'

Plus, I met someone else

We're havin' better discussions

I know they say I move on too fast

But this one gon' last

'Cause her name is Ari

And I'm so good with that (so good with that)

She taught me love (love)

She taught me patience (patience)

She handles pain (pain)

That amazing (yeah, she's amazing)

I've loved and I've lost (yeah, yeah)

But that's not what I see (yeah, yeah)

'Cause look what I've found (yeah, yeah)

Ain't no need for searching

And for that, I say

Thank you, next (thank you, next)

Thank you, next (thank you, next)

Thank you, next (thank you)

I'm so grateful for my ex

Thank you, next (thank you, next)

Thank you, next (said thank you, next)

Thank you, next (next)

I'm so grateful for my ex

Thank you, next

Thank you, next

Thank you, next

I'm so

One day I'll walk down the aisle

Holding hands with my mama

I'll be thanking my dad

'Cause she grew from the drama

Only wanna do it once, real bad

Gon' make that last

God forbid something happens

Least this song is a smash (song is a smash)

I've got so much love (love)

Got so much patience (patience)

I've learned from the pain (pain)

I turned out amazing (turned out amazing)

I've loved and I've lost (yeah, yeah)

But that's not what I see (yeah, yeah)

'Cause look what I've found (yeah, yeah)

Ain't no need for searching

And for that, I'll say

Thank you, next (thank you, next)

Thank you, next (thank you, next)

Thank you, next

I'm so grateful for my ex

Thank you, next (thank you, next)

Thank you, next (said thank you, next)

Thank you, next (next)

I'm so grateful for my ex

Thank you, next

Thank you, next

Thank you, next

Yeah, yee

Thank you, next

Thank you, next

Thank you, next

Yeah, yee